Whats your baggage allowance....??

When you meet someone new finding out all about them is half the fun; getting to know what you have in common, their likes/dislikes. In time finding out about their family & meeting their friends. However everyone has a past, nine times out of ten it has a habit of creeping up on you.
So how much of it is acceptable to carry into a new relationship?
It is always best to be honest & upfront with people, especially if you like them & can see your way to having a future with them (if its just a booty call then hell your business is your own). Obviously its not advisable to pour your heart out & tell them your life story on the first date, dam not even after a few dates but just be prepared that as things progress you will know when the time is right to have a heart to heart & share your skeletons.

Now having a past is one thing but having baggage this is a whole different ball game....

As I got older I realised it was more than likely anyone I was interested in was going to have baggage (being as I like men not boys - older & wiser); whether that be in the form of kids, a job or an ex!! Now if you meet someone that has previously been married be prepared that he is bringing some extra case's along, even if they didn't have kids, ex wives don't normally go quietly. Even if it was an amicable separation you can bet your bottom dollar that she is still sniffing around in the wings as they are still "friends"!!

Don't fall for the old line of "We were married once you know & we do have a past" because your response needs to be exactly that you have a PAST, which is where she needs to stay.

I know people that are in new relationships yet the ex partner comes round for dinner all the time & even sometimes stays over! I would love to be a fly on the way there, I mean what do they do exchange notes over dinner....(two's company three is a crowd & all that).

If your new partner has a child with their ex then be prepared that ex is going to be in your life whether you like it or not - at least till the child is 18 anyway & even after then you are bound to bump into each other at birthdays, Christmas' etc. 

Someone once said keep your friends close & your enemies closer, in this situation that statement could't be more true. You have to be polite (smile through gritted teeth if you have too) for the sake of your partner & the child; at the end of the day you don't want to be the one who is seen to be causing a scene - what you say behind closed doors when they go home is your own business :o)

Jealousy can creep in on both sides; the child's parent may feel pushed out, as in turn you may feel the same if you are not kept up with arrangements & such like. It can be a very difficult situation, one where someone may get stuck in the middle. Just remember a child is for life not just for Christmas so if you find "the one" who happens to have off spring from a previous partner weight up ALL the pro's & con's before committing; cause if you change your mind half way through or can't handle it then there is gonna be a whole lot of upset.
Therefore when you go into a new relationship look at it a little like going on an aeroplane - when travelling you have a 22kg baggage allowance, whats your allowance gonna be....??

There are of course many more bags that you can take to a relationship (I'm not talking Gucci ones either) but these we will leave for later posts as the list is endless & I don't want to spoil you too much & give you all the good bits in one go.

A woman scorned....

They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but should we sometimes serve it hot or is it best to not serve it at all....??

If you have the mis-fortune to discover your partner is cheating on you then it can be devastating, like your whole world has ended; then you go through a grieving process. You grieve for the death of a relationship, which leads to a process of emotions - first sadness, then anger, then relief & finally happiness again (ok so there maybe a few more sad bits in there at times). 

On receiving this information you may start to blame yourself, thinking what is wrong with you, did you do something wrong. You will no doubt tell him you can work through this & it will all be alright - the fact he has just announced he has been pleasuring & sleeping with someone else for some times goes right out the window. No amount of begging is going to get him to change his mind, if he has been doing it for a while then you & he are definitely over when he decides to come clean, all because HE can't do this anymore (whop dee do thanks for that love, sorry you have been having such a hard time - literally by the sounds of it).

Probably the next day when you have time to think about it, as that's all you will have done, you will start to get angry - only natural & too right I say! However its not always best to react to this anger, as some years later you may just live to regret it. YES it will feel great at the time, who wouldn't love to expose someone for the cheating, dirty dog they are & make them suffer as they have you but this is definitely a where thinking first comes into play.

This is only £30 in the sale

For instance there was a lady in Peru who actually chopped her boyfriends cock off & flushed it down the loo!! That seems seriously drastic, I mean they weren't even married so goodness knows what she would have done then, maybe the balls would have been for the chop too??     

On a slightly less eye watering revenge attempt you have Vicky Pyrce who after being married to Chris Huhne for 25 YEARS found out he had been having an affair - he decided to tell her during half time of a World Cup footy match (least he didn't interrupt the football but could of waited till the match had ended!). She served her pay back by declaring that she had taken his speeding tickets & points to save his career, after all he was a cabinet minister & everyone knows that they are all innocent angels....(cough,cough). To be fair after being married for that long I think he got away lightly really, he should count his lucky stars he wasn't married to the Peru lady.

I think as painful & sometimes as humiliating as it is you need to rise above it & be the better person; keep your dignity, just like Princess Diana. It is said that Prince Charles was having an affair with Camilla for 20 years behind Diana's back. Now before I tell you how she took her revenge I have to ask one question; why? Diana was a beautiful woman who was always portrayed very well in the public eye, loved by everyone & did I say she was stunning - have you seen Camilla?? Face like an old prune, appears to have no personality or dress sense. Clearly looks didn't even come into it when he made that choice (either that or he puts a paper bag on her head when they get into bed).

Anyway her revenge, it was the best one of the lot, do you know what she did; she got her best, tight fitting, cleavage showing dress on, got all dolled up (complete with diamonds - probably bought with his money) & she went to a party. No you may think is that it but her pay back was so subtle, all she done was put 2 fingers up to him & send a message saying "Fuck you, I don't need you". And you know what she really didn't need him.  

Was £60 now £42 - bargain

So if ever you find yourself in this un-fortunate situation stop & think how you will look if you decide to take any form of revenge, don't just run for the carving knife. But whether you serve it hot or cold make sure you serve a double helping - one for him & her :o)

****Better still get on over to see my mate Ann (Summers of course) where you can get some extremely sexy garms so he isn't tempted to go else where. Click on the link on the blog & browse the delights****

Wag or slag....??

Since Girls Aloud split I have always been a Cheryl Cole fan; got the cd's, watched the interviews, read the paper's & now the book (which is fab). So imagine my disgust when I open The Sun newspaper on Sunday to find a two page spread on some tramp boasting that she had sex with Cheryl's ex husband all over their marital home!
Does she think this will make her famous? Does she not realise (or even read the paper) that she is just one in a long line of cheap fucks Ashley has had over the years? Another thing, does this girl have no morals - what will her parents think when they read it, bet they will be really proud!! I mean she is 22 years old, a mere child - clearly very naive &/or looking to make a quick few bucks. She gloats how they had sex all over the house, which the paper then goes on to describe as "they made love". Now I don't know what fairy tales she use to read but that ain't no love....

I have no idea why young girls aspire to be 'WAGS', most are all fake - boobs, hair, nails, tan, arse; who knows the possibilities are endless. Young girls seem to look at this as a career, waiting hours outside trendy clubs & bars to be allowed in or even just to get a glimpse of these men in the hope that they might get noticed. If you opened a dictionary & looked up the meaning of 'WAG' there would be a picture of barbie (the original plastic fantastic blonde) with a description of footballers wife & girlfriend. However most have a tendency to look the same, like they have been cloned.
Don't get me wrong there are a few who have slipped through the net - Cheryl of course is one, Victoria Beckham & Colleen Rooney. These three are all successful business women in their own right & have not become famous off of the back of their husbands fame.

These are love balls not footballs :o)

After reading the paper for a number of years now these girls should learn that they are just gonna be another find em, fuck em, forget em to these men & they should have more self respect for themselves. There have been a number of stories over the years about footballers 'roasting' girls (I must be getting old as I thought that was a dinner you ate on a Sunday??), cheating on their wives multiple times & sleeping with prostitutes; which puzzles me even more as to why girls want to be a part of that on purpose.
It probably appears all glamorous to start with but leopards never change their spots & if these young whipper snappers think they are going to be the one that tames these men then they are on another planet.

So to all wanna be 'WAGS' out there - up your standards, get some morals & self respect, get a job (a proper one) & keep it real. If one day you meet a footballer who turns out to be your soul mate then that's great but don't carry on making yourself look desperate, begging for it.
Learn from these girls in the paper - today's news, tomorrow's greasy chip paper :o)

****All outfits featured in today's post are from my mate Ann (Summers of course). Why not pop on over & see her, you might find a treat so you can have your very own football match between the sheets****

Silky surprise....

I am not one of these people that swap jobs every 5 minutes as I personally think it looks bad on your cv, however there was a time I found myself between employment & needed to make an income - introducing the Phone Sex Operator. That's right, men paid to call me at all hours, day or night, to talk sex. This job has got to have been one of the biggest eye openers for me & whilst I always state the two things in life I know about are men & shoes, I managed to learn a LOT more.
For instance, one of the most popular topics of conversation was that the man would say he was wearing, or had been wearing women's clothing!! The first time I heard "Ooh I've done something really bad, i'm wearing women's lace panties & I have been to the pub in them" it took all my strength not to laugh out loud; I had to be professional :o) However this became a regular thing that men would say on a daily basis, to the point where I would roll my eyes & think (yawn) can't you think of anything original.


So what is the crack with STRAIGHT men wearing women's clothing? Why would they want to do it & why would it be a turn on for them? Do they pretend they are a lesbian? (Even though when they look down they still have meat & 2 veg - go figure). Does this then in turn make the woman a lesbian?
One reason apparently is that they like the feel of the material, not sure I buy that one. Go & get your lady friend all the silky garms you want & rub them up, don't go & squeeze into them yourself. I mean picture it - you walk in & find a 40 something year old guy with a beer belly bursting out of your fav red silk chemise & with the matching thong wedged up his hairy crack; how on earth would that be a turn on for the woman never mind comfy for the bloke??!!

Jordan married Alex Reid knowing full well that he had an alter ego named Roxanne & openly dressed as a women (like that didn't look odd; a cage fighter in fish nets & high heels - that alone would make you run in the opposite direction surely). Although I think she did it for attention I think she took on little more than she could chew with that one, hence a big fat DIVORCE after just 11 months. Maybe he got chatted up more when they went out which dented her own ego - who knows.
If I came home & saw my bloke wearing any of my garments, underwear or otherwise I don't think I would be able to contain the laughter never mind get all fruity & have hot loving. So ladies if ever you go snooping & find some sexy lingerie don't get too excited it might not be for you :o)

****All products featured in this post are from my new mate Pabo, you can check out these & other items by clinking the link at the side of the blog. Don't worry Ann is still there too if you want to have a right good old shopping spree & visit em both - treat yourself :o) ****

Whats your worth

We have all heard of, if not seen, the film Indecent Proposal where a billionaire offers a bloke £1million to spend one night with his wife (clearly with one thing on his mind) but I wonder if anyone would actually have big enough balls to do this in real life?
I mean if you were on a night out & some random offered your man money to spend a night with you then I suppose its a compliment; I mean he could have probably gotten away with paying a hooker £20 for a blow job - cheap at half the price. But is it a compliment or an insult? Is he implying that you look like a high class hooker who would do anything for money OR is he thinking you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen & knows you would never go near him with a barge pole.

So many questions....For instance if you & your partner both agree to it, is this classed as cheating? I mean if you are all consenting adults how can it be. But even if your man does agree & it goes ahead then I bet he will be left with doubts about you & the relationship, which in the end would lead to a split. If you are prepared to put aside your relationship as well as your panties at the flash of some cash what else are you prepared to do? Also if you do it once will it have a lasting effect on you - giving you a taste for hard, fast cash (literally hard & fast with some men).
Would your other half be classed as a pimp, technically he is loaning you out for money & according to the Urban Dictionary their description is; a man who brokers the sexual favours of women for a profit! However technically if you do spend the night with someone for money but nothing sexual happens are you still classed as a prostitute? According to that same dictionary the definition is; One who will perform sexual acts if payment is arranged. So no sex no hoe....hummm still debatable if you ask me.

They have even featured this as a story line in The Simpsons of all things; Marge is offered to spend the weekend with a guy she use to go to school with who has always fancied her. He offers her £1million which is initially declined however Marge accepts as because Homer needs an operation & they can see no other way of raising the funds. They did however have a clause where there were to be no rudeness or sexy business (amen to that rule) so when the guy made a move on the first night Marge was out of there quicker than she could say 'eat my shorts' (clearly he was hoping to eat more than that!!).

No matter how hard up I was there is no way that I would jepodise my relationship with my man, I would rather live on the bread line being happy & content rather than sell myself out for a few bucks to pay off a few bills, buy a new car or maybe even a new house. Money doesn't buy happiness, especially if you have loads of it but are on your own because you obtained it by banging an OAP for a night then your man left you....


****All items featured in this post can be purchased from my mate Ann (Summers of course) pop on over & have a look at all the delights she has to offer, all you have to do is click the links on the blog. And don't worry they are all at a very reasonable cost so you don't need to spend the night with someone to get the cash to afford the garms :o) ****

Take your position

There are 1001 different sex positions, in fact probably many more than that as making them up as you go along is half the fun. So I thought it only fair that we go through a few of them; you never know you might see one that tickles your fancy & be brave enough to give them a go :o)

Go on top & dominate :o)

1. Her on top - Now you might think 'yawn that's boring' but I thought I would ease you in gently with one we all know & are familiar with. Also to quote Phil Mitchell on what he said about Cathy in East Enders; The oldies are the goodies :o)
This is a great position for both parties involved so no one is being greedy. It is what it says on the tin, the man lays on his back while the woman climbs on top like a cow girl & away you go. For added pleasure you could lean back & hold onto his ankles or alternatively pin his hands down above his head & take complete control. This is a good one for us girls for when we want to be in charge as being on top you get to control the speed & the motion. So actually you should ignore the first part as if she is in the mood then a woman can be very greedy in this position....
(You can also do this same position however facing the other way, so your back is towards his face - this is known as the reverse cow girl & takes a little practice).

2. Kneeling Fox - This is similar to the doggy position but with a twist, so this is one for the men.
The woman gets on her hands & knees & leans forward on her arms, he kneels behind & puts his hands on her waist. He pulls her down towards him rather than her being on all fours; so basically it looks a bit like you are sitting on his knee. Good for deep penetration however you don't get all the intimate stuff like kissing or looking lovingly into each others eyes (but hey somethings gotta give).

3. Stand up - As I write I sit here wondering if this is what Ludacris meant with the lyrics of one of his songs "Stand up, when I move you move, just like that" Hummmm hidden meaning maybe.
Basically the woman stands facing the wall with her feet about two feet away, leaning forward to keep her balance, allowing her to stick her bum in the air. He then slid's on in & enters her from behind. The woman gets to thrust backwards using the wall to apply as much pressure as she likes, till she hears the right amount of moans anyway :o)
This one does involve more effort then usual as you are standing but hey no one achieves nothing without a little hard work....

Get your very own bullet....

4. Magic Bullet - You have to look past the name as there are no disappearing acts or guns used to create this bad boy so if you had other ideas pay attention. The woman lays on her back with her legs straight up in the air, the man kneels on the bed behind you. He can then hold onto her legs for leverage & to help with the thrusting. Bit of a tip for the guys - you can hold her legs together with one hand so as you feel fuller inside her & then with the other hand he can use to wonder all over your body, finding your sensitive spots. Failing that you can obtain a vibrator called 'The Bullet' from Ann Summers which hits the spot EVERYTIME!! Its a big orgasm in a small package but like its name once on your trigger your sure to go BANG :o)
The women's legs can get quite achy so this is one for the lazy chicks....

5. Sexy Spoon - Fear not no cutlery is injured in the process of this as none are used (phew, I knew you were getting worried hoping it would be tea spoons & not table spoons).

How could he resist you in this

The woman lays on her side in the bed, the man then spoons her from behind. Entering her slowly he just put a whole new spin on bedtime cuddles! This is a great one for helping you feel that bit closer & intimate, its definitely nice & slow instead of fast & reckless. It can be a bit awkward at first which is why he should be slow to enter but once you get going the worlds your Lobster :o)
Once you have picked up the pace (unless you prefer to stick it in the slow lane - remember the torturous & the hare story....) to switch it up a bit he can elevate her top leg & slide his hand down to rub her clit, this is a tip which is sure to send her over the edge.

Well folks don't be disappointed that I have left it there, plenty here for you to be going on with & I don't want to give away all the gems at once. So give these ones a go, try it; you may just like it.

****All items featured in this post can be obtained from my mate Ann (Summers of course) so if you are tempted to see what else she has click on the links on the blog & have a butchers. You may end up getting more than you bargained for****

Age ain't nothin but a number

Apparently Bill Roache (aka Ken Barlow from the street) has split from his girlfriend of 3 years, Emma Jesson, as they drifted apart. Well considering he is 80 & she is 44 I would say you don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to know that wasn't gonna work! This leads me on to wonder; When your putting together your list of what you look for in a partner - looks, personality, career, money etc does age ever come into the equation & if not should it?

It seems it has always been more accepted in society for the man to be older than the woman, no one really bats an eye lid at that. However there is an ever growing trend more recently where older women are praying on younger guys & getting their fill of satisfaction; Welcome the Cougar....
Younger men have personally never done anything for me - I need a man not a boy, however I can see the appeal for older woman. I imagine if your single & retired it could get a little boring or lonely & besides just because you are retired from work doesn't mean your are retired from having fun in the bedroom. If you are a go getter (as these Cougars seem to be) then you want someone who is going to be able to keep up & satisfy your EVERY need, not be worried that his false teeth will fall out half way through.
However I can't help but think the only appeal for a young man is either money (if she is loaded, which they tend to be) or experience. If she is one of these that has had lot of work done then he has landed on his feet really - she looks younger & a babe (everything is firm & tight cause she paid enough for it to stay where it was intended to), she has money, independent & has bags of experience. But lets be honest they can't all be like that, these Cougars are what little boys dream about but fantasy is rarely reality.

Old men love nothing more than a young woman on their arm & many a divorce comes from him running off with a younger bird (she normally gets branded a slut or home wrecker!) giving him the title of a Sugar Daddy. Its all about ego, having a trophy on their arm to parade in front of their mates to make them jealous. I mean even if his mates love their wives & are happy they will think about it at some point; comparing the steak they have at home to the burger their mate gets to eat every night (that's if he has swallowed his quoter of Viagra of course to keep up).

Lets be honest women's bits may hang out down South after a certain age but men become un-able to keep their dicks hard long enough to please themselves never mind a woman; that's even if they can get a twitch out of it, let alone a full on hard on! But in this modern day there is always a cure - women have face lifts, lipo & botox while men have Viagra :o) 
So ladies if you are tempted to take the Worthy's Original from an old guy at some point make sure he has a big bag of blue diamond shape sweets by the bedside.
& Boys if your ever tempted to get a lesson other than Maths from the likes of Carol Vorderman, make sure you take note & do your home work.  

****All products shown in this post can be purchased from my mate Ann (Summers of course) why not bob on over & see if she has anything to assist you with a night of passion - she has something for everyone, she's good like that. Just click on the links on the blog to take you there****