Thursday, 14 March 2013

Whats your baggage allowance....??

When you meet someone new finding out all about them is half the fun; getting to know what you have in common, their likes/dislikes. In time finding out about their family & meeting their friends. However everyone has a past, nine times out of ten it has a habit of creeping up on you.
So how much of it is acceptable to carry into a new relationship?
It is always best to be honest & upfront with people, especially if you like them & can see your way to having a future with them (if its just a booty call then hell your business is your own). Obviously its not advisable to pour your heart out & tell them your life story on the first date, dam not even after a few dates but just be prepared that as things progress you will know when the time is right to have a heart to heart & share your skeletons.

Now having a past is one thing but having baggage this is a whole different ball game....
As I got older I realised it was more than likely anyone I was interested in was going to have baggage (being as I like men not boys - older & wiser); whether that be in the form of kids, a job or an ex!! Now if you meet someone that has previously been married be prepared that he is bringing some extra case's along, even if they didn't have kids, ex wives don't normally go quietly. Even if it was an amicable separation you can bet your bottom dollar that she is still sniffing around in the wings as they are still "friends"!!
Don't fall for the old line of "We were married once you know & we do have a past" because your response needs to be exactly that you have a PAST, which is where she needs to stay.
I know people that are in new relationships yet the ex partner comes round for dinner all the time & even sometimes stays over! I would love to be a fly on the way there, I mean what do they do exchange notes over dinner....(two's company three is a crowd & all that).

If your new partner has a child with their ex then be prepared that ex is going to be in your life whether you like it or not - at least till the child is 18 anyway & even after then you are bound to bump into each other at birthdays, Christmas' etc. 
Someone once said keep your friends close & your enemies closer, in this situation that statement could't be more true. You have to be polite (smile through gritted teeth if you have too) for the sake of your partner & the child; at the end of the day you don't want to be the one who is seen to be causing a scene - what you say behind closed doors when they go home is your own business :o)
Jealousy can creep in on both sides; the child's parent may feel pushed out, as in turn you may feel the same if you are not kept up with arrangements & such like. It can be a very difficult situation, one where someone may get stuck in the middle. Just remember a child is for life not just for Christmas so if you find "the one" who happens to have off spring from a previous partner weight up ALL the pro's & con's before committing; cause if you change your mind half way through or can't handle it then there is gonna be a whole lot of upset.
Therefore when you go into a new relationship look at it a little like going on an aeroplane - when travelling you have a 22kg baggage allowance, whats your allowance gonna be....??

There are of course many more bags that you can take to a relationship (I'm not talking Gucci ones either) but these we will leave for later posts as the list is endless & I don't want to spoil you too much & give you all the good bits in one go.

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