Thursday, 4 April 2013

Say my name....

Gone are the days when people use terms correctly & do as the saying goes "call a spade a spade", things are given names (that probably took forever to think of in the first place) just for someone(s) to come along & re-name it.
This is no different when it comes to sex & relationships; I'm sure at some point you have heard a phrase & thought "Eh....??" Well I have chosen to share but a few to try & clear up the confusion. Granted this is by no means all of them, as people make them up as they go along (& I welcome any others that aren't mentioned). SO here goes (never know you might even learn something new):-

Blow Job (thought i'd start with a common one) = Basically this is when a man has his penis sucked, so why its not called a suck job I will never know. Also known as oral sex, BJ, giving head,  pole assault, lick the lolly pop (as 50 cent says) & giving a shiner.
On occasion it can be referred to as Deep throat but that's only if it tickles the tonsils. You may have heard the term "Tea bagging" this is nothing to do with the penis, its when a man lowers his balls into someones mouth & has them sucked. He bobs them up & down, in & out of the mouth in the same action as you would dip a tea bag into hot water to make a brew - hence the name :o)

Licking a girl out (it is what it says on the tin!) = The clue is in the title, someone licking a girls vagina. Also goes by the name of eating the furry burger, drinking from the furry cup (even though no sipping is involved), eating out (my personal fav), going down & muff diving (no snorkel needed).

One for the back door lovers
was £20 now £14 from
Ann Summers
Having sex = Two people having sexual intercourse. Alternatively having a shag, a fuck, making love, having a poke, a bone (I would say no dogs involved but I suppose that's a personal opinion depending on appearance), a rodgering, a screw, hump, a bit of nookie, banging it out, bump & grind (R Kelly doesn't see anything wrong with that), a bonk, hide the salami, hanky panky - the possibilities are endless with this one....

Anal sex = When you have intercourse in the bum! You may have heard knocking the back doors
in, hitting the dirt track when the red river is flowing, tap that arse, chocolate log, a poke in the brown eye, butt fuck or just good old & to the point: Take it up the arse!!

Rimming = When you have your bottom hole licked, could be also known as licking the chocolate star fish.

Tit wank = When a man slides his penis between a woman's breast - plain & simple.

Fingering = When you have fingers inserted into holes, be it front or back!

Available in lots of flavours
from Ann Summers
Fisting = When someone (not 100% sure if they are human) manages to get a whole fist into one of their holes, again front or back! I imagine you are thinking how on earth does this happen, I can only imagine with a LOT of lube & pain killers....

Wank = When a man pleasures himself. Could be referred to masturbation  as spanking the monkey (another animal reference ), tugging the salami, Tommy Tank (good old cockney slang), seeing Palm & her 5 sisters, crack one off, toss, jerk off, hand job, manual handling & bashing the bishop (forgive me for adding religion in the mix).
However when it comes to women playing with themselves they have their own terms - flicking the bean (broad, baked, runner you decide), muffin buffin & polishing the pearl.

Its not just sexual terms that have been named & re-named over & over, its our sexual private parts to:-
Ladies meet Mr Curve
£18 from Ann Summers

Penis = Dick, cock (roosters are known for getting up in the morning), sausage, willy, meat & two veg (balls included), tally whacker, love stick, trouser snake, pecker, wiener, dinky (no relation to the telly tubbies), schlong & pork sword (I kid you not) to name a few.
Vagina = Fanny, clit, cunt, flaps, bottom lips, flange, fanjita, minge, love tunnel & pussy (what is it with animal names jezzz).
Boobs = Tits, baps, bazoockers, melons, babilons, knockers, lady lumps, breasts & racks.

I am under no illusion that this is barely touching the tip of names but its always good to start
somewhere. So ladies if your man says to you "Let me tea bag you with my meat & two veg" this has no relevance to winning & dinning & if your girlfriend ever says to you "Get ready to go muff diving before I jerk you off" this has nothing to do with a caribbean food or a holiday :o)

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