Saturday, 20 April 2013

A case of the ex

Question; When a relationship ends, can you (or should you) stay friends?
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There appears to be an equal divide on this one & believe it or not men are not the ones saying yes you can, most of them are with me on this saying its a no go. Let's face it, if they are an Ex its for a reason. You've split, no longer together, surplus to requirements - which ever way you look at it, it all adds up to the same thing; it's over! Some may think that sounds harsh, especially if it's been an amicable split agreed by both parties. You may even still love each other but just not be IN love with each other, grown apart & see the other more in a friend way or like a brother/sister (hypothetical not in an incest way!!). Even if that were the case, great there is no shouting, cutting up of garments or holes in walls but what about when one of you meet someone new, what then?
You have to imagine what it is like for that person coming into a relationship when the Ex is still hanging around - awkward springs to my mind. I mean what are they gonna do exchange notes on how many times a week you done it....

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For example Simon Cowell says he stays friends with all his Ex's, is regularly seen out with them (sometimes more than one at a time!) & has even taken some of them on holiday! Maybe it's the money & fame that keep them coming back who knows, all I know is that it gets to a point where they look desperate (not to mention names - Sinitta). Simon has even gone on outings with a currant girlfriend & Ex's at the same time! Now these Ex's maybe fame hungry but jeez what are these women thinking, eating out with someone that their boyfriend has literally eaten out....
The men are as much to blame, how dare they put their girlfriends in that position in the first place.
What makes them think you want to sit opposite their cast off's, she didn't make the cut otherwise you'd still be together, so as Micheal Jackson sung "Beat it!!".

I find staying friends with an old flame puzzling enough but when that person has treated you badly; be it cheated, shown violence, broken your heart - why would you want to talk to them never mind see them again? Obviously you loved them & emotions don't just get turned off like a switch (which is a shame) but dam they hurt you & therefore are not worth any of your time, effort or anything else for that matter. Take Kat & Alfie in Eastenders, now before you start I know it's
not real, but some people ARE like that in real life. She not only cheated on him numerous times & he forgave her when he found out, she had a child with his cousin & he STILL took her back! He loved her so much that he was prepared to try & see past what she had done & all the damage she had caused, but clearly that was never gonna work. However when they did finally split he still loaned her money, helped her get a job & wanted to treat the child like his own. To me that's just making a bad situation worse & you need to cut as many ties as possible.
Having children involved does change things, I totally get that & contact is going to have to happen, but you exchange pleasantries for the sake of keeping the piece for the child & then send them on their way. You don't laugh, joke & carry on like nothings happened - that's just crazy. Imagine how awkward it would be for your new partner if your Ex came round, laughing & joking with you like you were bestie's. I would be thinking "Er why do you wanna do that after what they did to you?".

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Maybe it's me, maybe I hold grudges, who knows. All I do know is that if someone is an Ex, especially if they have hurt me then they are in the past. An Ex is an Ex for a reason - good, bad or ugly they are behind you & you should always look forward. If you keep looking backwards your more likely to trip up & never completely move onto bigger & better things :)

Case of the Ex - great song from back in the day

****Starting from Monday 22nd April it's National Pleasure week, so grab the one your with & show them some love (& sex of course). Ann is on hand with some great stuff to help make your week & beyond full of pleasure - check out her website by clicking the links****

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